32 Years

July 14, 2024

Dear Mom,

I cannot believe you have been gone for thirty-two years. I still miss you though writing letters to you for eight years helped me feel much more connected. For that, I am very grateful!

I will never forget receiving the telegram while vacationing in Spain with Fred and Sara, rushing to find a public phone, then nearly collapsing upon hearing the news from my brother of your massive heart attack earlier that day. I vaguely remember screaming NO NO NO at the top of my lungs all the way back to our little condo.

Sometimes in life we have no choice. That was one of those moments. I had to change our flights so we could return immediately to the US but to Cleveland rather than Boston. Everything felt like a nightmare but I had to move forward. Once in Ohio, I had to help Charlie make the funeral arrangements, buy appropriate clothing and notify some of your close friends. It was all a horrible blur.

Finally it was the day of your funeral. Your dear friend Trudy had contacted her church and gotten Cleveland’s top organist for the service. I do not remember anything really except that the music was beautiful and I knew you would have loved it all. When the service was over, Charlie, Fred, Sara and I walked out and had a few moments alone. Suddenly I realized that I would have to be the first to greet people in the reception line. I had been by your side in the line after Dad died, but never first. It was a daunting feeling.

Then the first woman came through. She was a neighbor of yours but I did not know her well. I will never forget what happened next. She threw up her arms in the air and said joyfully to me, “Honey, your mom would have loved this day!” I was totally surprised but immediately realized she was right. Unlike the usual hot and humid July days, it was clear and sunny. You loved parties, and this one was in your honor. Best of all, I knew you had sent her and were really standing right there by my side. After that, I knew everything would be okay. Thank you for those many blessings on that hard and sad day. I will always love and miss you, but also always know that you are with me in spirit forever.

Love,
Helen