My Mother’s Last Birthday Wish (in 1992)

Dear Mom,

It is hard for me to believe that I have not seen you for thirty-two years. I know you are with me, and I am very grateful for that, but I have dearly missed your warm and loving hugs.

In 1992, you sent me a birthday card with a reproduction of one of our favorite artists, Mary Cassatt. Since I was busy at the time, I never threw it out. What a blessing because now I have it tucked in a special place where I can see it every year on my birthday.

Your message was beautiful. “Happy Birthday to a wonderful daughter with love and happiest thoughts of only forty years but wishing many, many more. You’re always there for me and I hope I can always be there for you.”

Then suddenly, just two and a half months later, you were gone forever—at least from my physical world. I will never forget the dream I had the night of your death. You were standing next to a classy red convertible with the top down, wearing fancy party boots (although, of course, you never owned that car nor those boots!) As you got into the car, you said, “I love you very much” and drove away.

Although your death was a complete shock to me, I have always remembered that dream as the start of a new connection between us. Then for eight years I wrote letter after letter to you, to create a deeper connection through the veil. At times, you answered back. Mostly I could feel your presence or hear your whisper. You were right—you have always been here for me. Thank you.

Love,
Helen